I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
