Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
