eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need moral support for this bender
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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