____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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