Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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