I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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