Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
