Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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