The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
