today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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