I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
