Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
