Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
