TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
