Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
