Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
