I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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