Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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