JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
