new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
