i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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