i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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