i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
