I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
