All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
