So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
