Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
