That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
