How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
