don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
