i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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