Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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