It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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