hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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