I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
