Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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