I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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