I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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