i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you would pick up someone in the library
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
