apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
