so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
