The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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