The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
