Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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