how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
