20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
