literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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