cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
