I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
