I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
