My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
