Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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