I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
